(T)if I Had It My Way

We like to think and believe we are in control of our lives and that’s fine and all, but it’s when we realize we are not in control, that we can start breaking down and dissecting our lives as a whole. What influences steer us one way or the other? I’ve been through a lot and in all honesty there’s only one thing that could steer me one way or the other and that’s the Girl in the Story. You see, (T) if I had it my way, this blog wouldn’t be necessary. We actually shared a blog before this one. It was great. That’s the blog I’m trying to get back to. His and Hers.. It was Ours.. Just like everything else was. We shared it, even though She always seemed to get more than I did. I was fine with it, though. She deserved it. I just talked to the Girl in the Story. I told Her I was thirsty. She told me to drink some water. And I told Her water just wouldn’t cut it. I need someone more Sunkist. Something that’s so good. You see, when the sun kisses Her skin.. Heaven know, there’s nothing I love more. Those tan lines drive me to places a human shouldn’t be driven to, yet I find myself never wanting to leave those places. So, I’m sure you can see now, (T) if I had it my way… She’d feel da same…. She’d just call me “& Co.”

*SideNote*

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Good To You

So, I’ve had a lot of time to think, and it’s time to be real with myself. When it comes to comparing things, some things just can’t be compared to. The things I shared with the Girl in the Story, I never want to share with anyone else again. I know this because I’ve tried. And to be honest, I’m sick of trying. I said it before, things just made sense with Her. We shared the ups and downs. We cared about each other and if she was sad, so was I, sometimes, and the same went for Her. These days it’s hard to find someone who gives a fuck about your feelings. I don’t know, maybe She spoiled me. Or maybe She just was the fucking best. I tell you what, read that last sentence again, but take the “maybe” out. She was so good to me. And because of that, I made a promise to myself. And if she ever reads this, I want Her to know. Not a day goes by that I don’t wish I was with You. Not a second goes by that You’re not on my mind. For You to have been able to do this to me, after 15 years, I still feel this way about You. I promise You, no matter if we’re together or not, I’ll always be good to You.

Wasn’t I good to You??

Take it from Me

I know it been a while, but I had to try other things. I tried baking. I tried chocolate ice cream for the first time. I tried to start a fire with a couple rocks and twigs at a campsite.¬†That was on a Monday.¬†However, the most important thing I tried was a girlfriend. I really didn’t want to but finally got tired of watching Pornhub every night¬†and sleeping alone. The lil¬†breezy¬†I got with I’ve known since I was 15 years old. At first, it was great.¬†Fantastic. I thought I had found a way out. Little¬†did I know. The things I love are very specific. I don’t love pizza, I love sampegios¬†pizza. I’ll explain. Everything that the Girl in the Story use to do, she was THE BEST at it. I found myself in a whole relationship, and I loved her, but it wasn’t the kinda love I wanted. My heart was dropping knowledge on me hard and heavy. It’s safe to say that settling for less is something I’m¬†just not willing to do. Being with the girl in the story was always the easy part. It just made sense. I never got tired of looking at her. She amazed me on the daily. I could watch her sleep and I could not keep my hands off her.¬†I guess it’s time I start soul searching. I have to find a way. And I will. Some say life is a gamble which means love is a casino. My time with the girl in the story isn’t¬†over. I owe her something. And I’m the only one that can give it to her. So this is the beginning of¬†The Story of Me Getting Back the Girl In the Story…¬†Do you want to see how much one person can mean to another? It’s been too long. She’s the one I chose from the start. She’s the one I’d choose in the end. She gave me her heart and I’m sorry I damaged it. When she left, she took my heart away. Every night I kissed her picture on the nightstand. I know what I did was wrong and I’m sorry. When it comes to loving the Girl in the story, I’ll never take a day off. If it’s 31 days on my calendar, every one’s gonna be accounted for. So you see, you can take it from me… Your girl might be bad, but that would make the Girl in the story “The Worst.” It can’t, don’t, and won’t get any better than that. Gametime is officially over. I need that in my life.

 

 

MMXVIII

 

Beautiful Creator Engineered It

She would sit in the mirror and put on mascara. I would sit across the room and stare at her reflection. At times, her reflection was even more beautiful than she was… Mimicking her every move was it’s only purpose, yet, there was always more to her reflection. It would sneak little smiles or glances when she wasn’t paying much attention. And it would always catch me. Staring at it. Fascinated. Amazed that we shared a connection that was deeper.. A connection that was tangible, her reflection and I. I would take pics of her while she was in the mirror to capture what I couldn’t get enough of. This is a Story of a Girl… That girl was a reflection of what I wanted to be. Desirable in every way.. If I could sum it up, I would.. But I can’t. An endless list of qualities that you wish your girl had right now. Even the things she weren’t so good at, like singing, she somehow found a way to make it beautiful. Just thinking about it has my heart racing. I would keep my eyes open when we kissed because I wanted to see her face. I traced her freckles when I didn’t think she was paying attention. When I touched her skin, my hands just would not stop moving. I was addicted to the way she smelled. When she’d get out the shower and lose the towel, my jaw would drop like it was the first time I’d ever seen her in my life. Though it all, I came to realize why I loved her reflection so much. She was a reflection of all my insecurities. Everything I wanted to be. Everything that I loved. Picture perfect.. And since day one I’ve always known.. A Beautiful  Creator Engineered It.. And there’s not another out there like her… This is… The story of THAT girl.. 

To You Forever, From Me To You

So, I’ve been talking to yal for quite some time now and it dawned on me… An atiffany, out of the blue. What if… What if instead of talking to yal, I actually talk to her? I mean, the story is about her. But I’d much rather be with her than writing a story about her. So do me a favor. Yal sit this one out. 

TKY, 

    Ok, woow.. This is going to be harder than I expected. First, and foremost, I want to say that I’m sorry. The best way to sum up my actions is simply to let you know that the way you went about telling me what you told me sent me into a spiral of emotions. We had plans to do things, You and I. We also had planned for the girls to go to the bubblegum ball. And it was like… Like it meant nothing to you. Here I am looking forward to everything and just like that… That was that reason I did what I did. I wish I could be as unapologetic as you but I can’t. Because I know what I did was wrong. That being said, TK, not a day goes by that I don’t have you on my mind. I hear your voice in my head. It’s the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard. As the days go by, so does the weeks..  Then the months and years. You took something from me that can never be replaced. Put yourself in my position and imagine going this long without them. And it’s not like I make no effort. If anyone knows anything it’s you and how hard I try to be a part of what should be my life. In all honesty, it should be our life. All 6 of us. Tk, that first weekend when we stayed in the pool all day. You ran across the street half naked. We won like $500 throwing dice. You looked incredible. Tk, you don’t know how much that meant to me. Holding hands and long kisses. You take me away. Away to a place that I never want to leave. Even the people that see us think we are a new couple because of how we are when we are together. Even right now, writing this.. I just want to put my hands all over you. How you turned into the girl of my dreams, the one I fantasize about, all I ever think about, and all I ever want all at the same time, I don’t know. But I do know this. TK, as sure as the sky is blue and the grass is green.. You will always be the one. It’s a place that has no room for a number two. A feeling that some may never feel in a lifetime. My wrist don’t lie. You already know what time it is. Watch out for all the fakes and phonies out there. I love you, TK.   

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This is the day we left for Mexico the very first time we went.