Beautiful Creator Engineered It

She would sit in the mirror and put on mascara. I would sit across the room and stare at her reflection. At times, her reflection was even more beautiful than she was… Mimicking her every move was it’s only purpose, yet, there was always more to her reflection. It would sneak little smiles or glances when she wasn’t paying much attention. And it would always catch me. Staring at it. Fascinated. Amazed that we shared a connection that was deeper.. A connection that was tangible, her reflection and I. I would take pics of her while she was in the mirror to capture what I couldn’t get enough of. This is a Story of a Girl… That girl was a reflection of what I wanted to be. Desirable in every way.. If I could sum it up, I would.. But I can’t. An endless list of qualities that you wish your girl had right now. Even the things she weren’t so good at, like singing, she somehow found a way to make it beautiful. Just thinking about it has my heart racing. I would keep my eyes open when we kissed because I wanted to see her face. I traced her freckles when I didn’t think she was paying attention. When I touched her skin, my hands just would not stop moving. I was addicted to the way she smelled. When she’d get out the shower and lose the towel, my jaw would drop like it was the first time I’d ever seen her in my life. Though it all, I came to realize why I loved her reflection so much. She was a reflection of all my insecurities. Everything I wanted to be. Everything that I loved. Picture perfect.. And since day one I’ve always known.. A Beautiful  Creator Engineered It.. And there’s not another out there like her… This is… The story of THAT girl.. 

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To You Forever, From Me To You

So, I’ve been talking to yal for quite some time now and it dawned on me… An atiffany, out of the blue. What if… What if instead of talking to yal, I actually talk to her? I mean, the story is about her. But I’d much rather be with her than writing a story about her. So do me a favor. Yal sit this one out. 

TKY, 

    Ok, woow.. This is going to be harder than I expected. First, and foremost, I want to say that I’m sorry. The best way to sum up my actions is simply to let you know that the way you went about telling me what you told me sent me into a spiral of emotions. We had plans to do things, You and I. We also had planned for the girls to go to the bubblegum ball. And it was like… Like it meant nothing to you. Here I am looking forward to everything and just like that… That was that reason I did what I did. I wish I could be as unapologetic as you but I can’t. Because I know what I did was wrong. That being said, TK, not a day goes by that I don’t have you on my mind. I hear your voice in my head. It’s the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard. As the days go by, so does the weeks..  Then the months and years. You took something from me that can never be replaced. Put yourself in my position and imagine going this long without them. And it’s not like I make no effort. If anyone knows anything it’s you and how hard I try to be a part of what should be my life. In all honesty, it should be our life. All 6 of us. Tk, that first weekend when we stayed in the pool all day. You ran across the street half naked. We won like $500 throwing dice. You looked incredible. Tk, you don’t know how much that meant to me. Holding hands and long kisses. You take me away. Away to a place that I never want to leave. Even the people that see us think we are a new couple because of how we are when we are together. Even right now, writing this.. I just want to put my hands all over you. How you turned into the girl of my dreams, the one I fantasize about, all I ever think about, and all I ever want all at the same time, I don’t know. But I do know this. TK, as sure as the sky is blue and the grass is green.. You will always be the one. It’s a place that has no room for a number two. A feeling that some may never feel in a lifetime. My wrist don’t lie. You already know what time it is. Watch out for all the fakes and phonies out there. I love you, TK.   

<memory>

This is the day we left for Mexico the very first time we went. 

Lucid Dream

I’ve always felt like this but I only told her once.. Now, I must remind yal that this is, in fact, a story of a girl… But not just any girl.. THE girl.. She’s THAT girl.. And what I told her was that she’d ALWAYS be a dream worth chasing. No matter what she does.. No matter where she is.. No matter where she goes. When it comes to her, I don’t need a watch to tell you what the time is. She’s the definition of wat divine is. My favorite obsession.. The only one my heart desires. She’s the reason all of yal are still reading this blog. She’s the blueprint of perfection. She’s the whispers in my ears. She’s the figure in the distance. She’s an Angel here on Earth. She is…. The girl of my dreams.. 

<Side Note> 

“Even though the term “lucid” means clear, lucid dreaming is more than just having a clear dream. To have a lucid dream you must know that it’s a dream while you‘re dreaming. That’s it. It doesn’t require that you can control anything in your dream, though control is what beginning lucid dreamers often aim at.”



143  222  717

I still remember the last time.. Even after 14 years, I still remember the first time. I’ll never forget the time in between. The time we shared. “Our Time.” Owned by us. Just the two of us. Time well spent. Time to let go.. No, time to confess. Loving her was so easy. If, to the T, her name in any variation..  T, to the if, embedded; the source of my methodical madness. 143 bpm, my heart races from the sound. 222, since day one I’ve always been down. 717, proof that there will never be no place like home. Knock…. Knock. I’ll leave my shoes at the door. 

The So-So Just Ain’t Cutting It

When it comes to what I know and what people have to offer these days, it’s a joke. The things she did, the way she made me feel… I have yet to find anything that comes anywhere near it. It’s tiring spending hours… Days.. Months, with someone.. Anyone that isn’t her. What was it about her that set her apart from the rest. Was it because she was so beautiful? Perhaps it was because her body turned me on like no other? No.. It was because I truely loved her. The same way I do now. I’d do anything to feel that feeling right about now. ANYTHING… Anything. Even write a story… A story of a girl.. A girl that I love.