In the beginning we had nothing. We met in college. No money, no worries and no idea we’d share over a decade of our lives with each other. The Girl in the story should have left me in the beginning, if I had to be perfectly honest. I think that is the reason why I love her the way I do. She never gave up on me.. In fact, She loved me more and more every day. I didn’t think it was possible. I didn’t understand it because I never experienced it. Well, it’s safe to say I get it now. I don’t understand it and I can’t explain it but I get it.. If it could be explained or understood, it wouldn’t be love. If you only knew how sweet it was to wake up to her face every morning. How exciting it was to watch her undress. How hypnotic it was, the way she walked. Angelic, the only way to describe the sound of her voice. We fit together perfectly. We kissed like our lips belonged together. She had the hands of an 80 year old and the thumbs of a toddler but I loved them. She had the body of a goddess. It still haunts me how incredibly and undeniably beautiful and sexy she was naturally.. She didn’t have to do ANYTHING.. She was just born like that. True love is hard to find, people. It’s hard.. But some how I managed to find it. Some how I also managed to lose it.. I want to go back. Not back like in the past. I want to go back to when everything made sense. Back to when we had sex on the beach under the super moon. Back to where people thought we were boyfriend and girlfriend because we held hands and made out in public, but in reality, we had been together for 10 years already. Back to where we went to Mexico every year for Her birthday. Back to when she wrote letters thanking me for pu$$* massages.. You see, it was soo amazing.. I don’t care what other people think.. I’m only asking the Girl in the story.
It’s hard to watch someone you love just fade away. It’s even harder when it’s the 5 most important people in your life. Often puzzled, I can’t, or maybe I don’t want to comprehend the reason behind it. None the less, I know it’s been a while, but this is still, in fact, The Story of a Girl so that’s what we’ll focus on.
Ah yes, the Girl.. The most beautiful creature to ever roam the Earth. I feel like She’s forgotten how beautiful she is because when I see pictures of Her these days, she’s wearing make up and lipstick and all this other stuff that She’s never needed a day in her life. Blows my mind, I tell you. Anyhow, believe it or not, there hasn’t been a single day in over 14 years that the Girl in the story has not been on my mind all day long and all night. No matter what I do, no matter who I’m with, no matter where I go, it seems she’s the pentacle of my very existence.. Pray everyday that you never find a love like this because it’s torture; pure agony.. Sometimes… But then there’s those times when your TimeHop™ feed shows you pictures from way back when and it makes you soo happy that it literally brings tears to your eyes. You sit back and think about how lucky you are to have those memories. How truly lucky you were to share life with someone that you love the we did because, unfortunately, that type of love does not exists anymore. Relationships make no sense these days. It’s all games and I can’t stand it. I would do anything to get back what the Girl in the story and I shared for so long.
So to the Girl I adore
If you’re out there and you ever read this, the time now is 3:58am.. I know it’s been awhile but you still remain right where you’ve always been. There’s not a single soul that will ever compare to you.. I wish I didn’t, but night after night I can’t help but think of us.. I’m sorry… I’m soosorry.. Forloving you the way I do. It’s all your fault. It’s all… Your fault. 💕
She’s the kind of Girl that makes you want to stay awake for every second of the day because you just don’t want to miss a minute with her. The type of Girl that make you want to do bad things to Her in the best possible way. I remember one night we were having a few drinks with a couple friends and decided to go to the the strip club. We get dressed and head out, the 4 of us. We stopped at a bar on the way and had a few more drinks and finally ended up at Sammy’s Gentleman’s Club. She walked in knowing She owned the place. She had on a maxi skirt that went down to Her ankles but had slits that came up to Her panty line on both sides. As always, I just couldn’t keep my eyes off Her. The couple that was with us couldn’t believe we’d been together for 10 years from the way we were acting. I never took my eyes off Her. She loved the attention I gave Her, so much so that She started stripping for me right there in the strip club. She was dancing and took Her panties off and tossed them to me. I took a big whiff of them like they were made out of oxygen or something. She kept going and it got to the point where people that were in the club started throwing money at Her like She worked there. Needless to say, we were escorted out the club for the chaos we caused. I can honestly say I never once seen another female while we were in that building. You see, She’s the kind of Girl that takes over any space she enters. Especially when I was around. Ever since day one, she was all I ever wanted. She had it going on.. And I know it might be wrong but I’m still in love with..
I remember the first time I ever got drunk. At the time it was an indescribable feeling.. Over time, I got use to it. I recall the first time I ever smoked weed.. Felt like I was sooo heavy but out of my body at the same time. I think back to the first time I ever tried nitrous oxide.. It made my brain feel like mush. I reminisce of the first time I tried ecstasy. I don’t remember feeling anything that night. The next day was the best feeling I thought I could ever have. I regret the first time I tried cocaine. It turned out to be one of the first girls I couldn’t get enough of. The first time I tried mushrooms is still a bit foggy to me. I can’t remember the first time I tried Xanax.. I do know that I never tried it again. Through the years there’s been Molly, percecet, oxycodine, roxie, I even tried chrystal meth a few times. All these drugs have one thing in common.. They got me lifted.. Some more than others.. Some I liked, others I didn’t.. But my favorite drug ever.. The one I crave and just can’t get enough of.. The one I’m so addicted to and probably need rehab for.. The one that, just the thought of it makes my heart beat and my mouth water.. The one that, hand down, gives me the best feeling that I can’t even begin to describe.. Is the Girl in the story.. You see, She didn’t just get me lifted.. She sent me to places unlike anything I’d ever tried.. She sent me waaay up there. She got me high..
Chaos theory is a branch of mathematics focusing on the behavior of dynamical systems that are highly sensitive to initial conditions.
And it’s said that if a butterfly flutters it’s wings at the perfect moment, it could cause a tsunami on the other side of the world. A theory that is far from being metaphoric. There’s another saying, “If you love something, set it free.. If it comes back, it’s yours forever.” My question is, What if you set free that butterfly? That same butterfly that caused that tsunami.. What if you were caught in that tsunami? Metaphorically, flooded and drowned in the emotional anticipation awaiting it’s return. Here’s where the theory comes in to play. What if all this happened because the butterfly was trying to make it’s way back to you? Time exist simultaneously, meaning while something is happening to you, something is also happening to everything around you at any given moment. With that being said, the butterfly that caused the tsunami is essentially lost just like the one who released it. Hold on to what you love, people..because you may never find those pretty wings again..
No matter how hard you try, there’s some things in life that will always mean more to you than others. It could be anything.. That sports car you worked hard to get, the house that was passed through generations and finally made it to you, or in my case, the Girl in the story… Things happen, I get it.. But what I don’t get is when things don’t happen. When it all comes to an end, who’s going to be the one to regret the decisions we made? Is hurting now worth peace of mind later in life? Knowing I intentionally did the right thing and got nothing out of it? Because from what I can remember, this wasn’t the plan. Then again, who am I to try and alter the course set before me? If everything we know is governed by universal laws, just like the seasons, everything that goes around will eventually come back around. Am I wrong for still feeling like when I was with the Girl in the story it was like paradise? They say when we die we’re able to hold on to only one memory to take into the next life with us.. If you had a choice, what would yours be? You probably think you know what mine would be, right? You think it would be the Girl in the story? Well, you’re wrong. The one memory I’d take with me is the memory of the Moon. Trying to carry the memory of a person into the next life would be too much of a long shot. There’s billions of people in the world. What if you never cross that person’s path? I’d say that’s a waste of one dying wish. Me, I’d take my memory of the Moon. There’s only one Moon.. And it would be my reminder that there’s only one her, the Girl in the story.. Plus, no matter what, I know I could spend every single night with it. I know it’ll never leave and it’ll always hold me down. It’ll be da sweetest reminder of the sweetest thing I’ve ever known. And after spending over 10 years with the Girl in the story, it’s one thing we’ll always share. The pieces of myself that I left with her, and the pieces of herself that left with me.. I know if I ever want to find her, where to go and She know exactly where I’ll be.. Waiting for her with our name in the sand.. On the Dark Side of the Moon.. 💕
I came here for a reason.. I’ve tolerated da circumstances. I’ve been here for 3 month and I’ve seen 2 of my 4 kids a total of 3 times since I been here. I’ve send my girls cellphones so I can talk to them and never get a response. I’ve sent emails and text to the Girl in the story and she, for reasons unknown, has not and will not respond to let me see my kids. Two of her Aunts have contacted me to talk about everything but my kids. Well, now I’m to a point where I need to make a decision. I can stay here, sumwhere I NEVER wanted to be cuz I hate this fucking place with a passion. Or, I can go back to Florida where I want to be but it puts me out of reach of my kids. Reach… They literally live 20 minutes away from where I live right now and I’ve only seen them three times. When, three months ago I just uprooted myself to come here thinking I’d get to be with the people I love most in this world. Well, I was wrong. And I honestly hope the Girl in the story gets what she deserves for doing this. Now I’m stuck with the ultimate question, Should I Stay Or Should I Go.
I never thought I’d see the day. The day when something else matters more to me me than the Girl in the story. Here’s what happened.
I moved to the a different state to be closer to the Girl in the story and our 4 daughters. I’ve been here for 7 days and I’ve seen the Girl in the story 3 times and I’m fine with that. However, I’ve been asking Her everyday if I can see my kids and everyday it’s a different excuse. Last nite she promised me I’d see my daughters today. I was so excited that I literally got no sleep last night. The time comes when I’m suppose to see my beautiful daughters and low and behold, she has a fucking excuse. AGAIN! I’ve been telling her I’m sick of being here and not seeing them for at least 5 days. I got a promotion at work so I’ve had 5 days off and this mother fucker still hasn’t let me see my kids. Well, I fucking lost it. It was around Father’s Day when I lost it the last time because I was suppose to see my kids and she felt like them going out of town, 5 hours away for Father’s Day was more important than coming 2 hours to come see me. If I have to be completely honest with yal, I’d be 💯 fine with losing her for my kids. And that’s something I didn’t realize until today. She says I don’t make effort to see them. She has never once brought them to me. I went to jail 4 times in one year trying to see my kids. I haven’t had a license or a car in 3 years and I have still found a way to get to them only to NEVER see them. Now I live 20 minutes away from them and spent almost $3000 to move here and She had the nerve to tell me I’m not making an effort, still. Telling me I need to calm down because I’m pissed off. Hell, you’d be pissed too if somebody was promising you this and that and it never happens. ESPECIALLY WHEN IT COMES TO YOUR KIDS! I’d be a fucking fool not to be pist. Had the nerve to tell me She doesn’t have to let me see them. I’m dying on the inside because my main reason moving here was for the kids. Metaphorically speaking, how she expect not to eat her when I was starving she ain’t feed me.. Now she got me fed up. I’m trying to keep my cool but if yal could see this shit. How she feels like she’s doing nothing wrong and how I need to chill out. I’ve been sitting back patiently waiting for someone to rattle my cage. Like Lil Wayne said.. When a wolf cry you still see the wolf teeth.. All I want to know is when it became wrong to want to be a father to your kids. Because it’s been this way for almost 3 years for me. I’m over it.
I hate wasting time because it’s the one thing we can’t get back. I’ve wasted a lot of time writing this blog. Sure, it helped.. But why should I give yal a one-sided view of the Girl in the Story? Don’t get me wrong, she is all the things I say she is. But did you know she was a liar? Did you know she egocentric and self centered? Did you know she was a borderline alcoholic? No? Well, she is.. In 7 days I’m going away. I’ve been down this road before and I know what’s ahead of me but I’m going anyway. I’m not sure what is going to happen. All I know is I’m not competing for anything or anyone. We find time for things that matter. This blog doesn’t matter. She not the Angel I make her out to be. She’s a normal person and the only person who feels the way I do about her is me. The next person could care less if they ever see her again. It’s sad, the people we ignore, for the people that are here today and gone tomorrow. With that said, I leave you all wit this.. The Story of a Girl was written from my perspective and has no validity. It is merely a fantasy. Contrary to what I believed, the Girl in the story is nothing special. She is just a Girl.. A girl named Tiffany. What a waste of time.
Memories are often a relief. At Other times, they’re torture. When you act out of anger or fear, you tend to hurt people that you don’t intend to hurt. You never know what how important or significant something as simple as a call or a text could be to the person on the receiving end. Are you blind? Do you just not care?
What if you woke up tomorrow and found out that you could never see me again? Never talk to me again. What would you do when your next boyfriend ends up making you feel like a fool.. And the only thing you want is to hear me say how much he didn’t deserve you and how beautiful you are. I’ve been there for you when you felt like this.. Every time time you’ve need me to be. So what makes your needs so much more important than mine? What if you woke up tomorrow and found out that you could never see me again? Never talk to me again. Would you miss the way it feels to be unconditionally loved? The way it feels to know you’re number 1 without having to question it? What if you woke up tomorrow and found out that you could never see me again? Never talk to me again. Would you look for pictures so you could remember me the way I still have your pictures in glass frames? Would you tell people about me the way I tell the world about you? Would it be easy to except the fact that you’re the reason I’m not here any longer? Would you realize that you could have saved me? What if you woke up tomorrow and found out that you could never see me again? Never talk to me again. Would that create the need or want or even the wish that we had more time. Precious time that’s running out. Would there be anything you wish you would have said but you never did? Would there be things you just wouldn’t share with anyone else because they were ours? What if you woke up tomorrow and found out that you could never see me again? Never talk to me again. Would you have anyone telling you how much they miss you everyday? Or maybe you’d understand it better if I put it in words that you can relate to. Imagine leaving for the beach, getting there, and there’s no beach. It’s gone. No sand. No water. No sun. Nothing.. How would you feel? Could you live with that? And that worst part about it is.. The one person you could’ve called, the one person that you knew for a fact, would have hopped in a spaceship and left Earth to find you a beach and bring it back to you… Is gone, too. And it’s all because of you.. What if you woke up tomorrow and found out that you could never see me again? Never talk to me again. Would I mean anything to you then?
You could have rescued me.. You could have save me. But you didn’t. Now you’ll never see me again… Never talk to me again.. Are you happy now?
~ When you lose something, days turn into week and weeks into months and months turn into years. On the other hand, if you’re anticipating or expecting something, those same months turn into weeks and those same weeks turn into days ~
The strange thing is, those same days turn into minutes.. And those minutes turn into seconds. Of course, there’s also those other situations where it literally seems like time doesn’t exist. The perfect example, the Girl in the story and l spent over 10 years together, however, I can honestly say it was so amazing that I had no concept of time on a linear scale. Sure, we celebrated our anniversaries and birthdays. I can’t deny the fact that the babies grew up. But when you have someone as unbelievably beautiful and fascinating as the Girl in the story, a new day was like day one to me. Imagine going to sleep with the girl of your dreams, dreaming about the perfect girl while you slumber, then waking up to the girl you fantasize about. There were literally times when I’d look at Her and my jaw would just drop like I had never seen Her before a day in my life. This was 10 years after we’d already been together. If I had to be honest, if I hadn’t lived it, I probably wouldn’t believe it.
Here I am, past the part where the days turned into years and at the part where years are turning into seconds with the hopes of heading into that timeless abyss. I’ve had time to do a lot of things.. I never looked at it like time to do whatever I want or time to “wild out” or whatever the kids are saying these days. I used that time to reminisce on my past, focus on my future, and reflect on all my accomplishments. They could strap me to a polygraph machine and ask me what I’ve been doing since the day Her and I split up and I could tell you every single thing I did. The graphing needle would be all over the place. But if all I said was searching for direction. Finding a way… That would be the truest words I’d ever spoken. She flooded my mental, made it almost impossible to me to be physical, defined my spiritual, and insured my emotional… She’s one of the 5 missing pieces of a beautiful and chaotic puzzle that we started on over a decade ago.
Moving forward, I’ve got a lane and I’m in gear. I’m a testament of wat can happen the moment you follow your heart. In January I wrote a blog post about what my intentions were for this year.. Here we are almost 6 months in and everything seems to be right on track.. Everything I need is in my path. All I’m try to do is catch up… To where we left it.. 💯
I could buy everything I ever wanted but there would still be 5 empty spaces…
What does it mean to you to give up? Does it mean to continue until you get tired of trying? Or maybe you go until the objective is out of reach, that way you can at least say you gave it your all, right? Unfortunately, just like the majority of the world, you are wrong. Now don’t get me wrong, there is a huge gray area anytime you vow to never do something. But I need yal to say with me on this one. The word “never” is an adverb. An adverb is basically used to add “dimensions” to the verb that it preceeds. If I told you “I’m coming home.” That sentence, that statement, is basically done. There would be nothing left to do but get home to you, it’s through. Just like the words on this page, that statement was 2 dimensional, from me, to you. Now, let me show what happens when we introduce an adverb to the same sentence. If I were to tell you “I’m never coming home.” That adds additional dimensions to that statement. We’ll start with the sentence structure itself. Adding the adverb turns that statement into a declarative sentence. After that, it adds emotion, such as uncertainty, and in most cases, fear. But most importantly, although indefinite, it adds a sense of time. I say indefinite because as that time; the time we spend in “never” passes, we forgive and forget, or we just get over it. Thus, we have the Latin saying “Omnia Enim Tempus” which directly translates to “All Things are Temporary” in English…
Let me remind yal that this is, without a doubt, The Story of a Girl. Mmmhm, the Girl I see when I close my eyes. The Girl I dream about while I’m awake. But also the only person in the world capable of disappointing me to the point of deep depression. I need yal to understand something. I know these are just stories to yal. Stories… Well, it’s 11:41pm Saturday night and I’m sitting here writing yal a story.. A story about a Girl. These stories I’m telling but they not made up. This is my life…
Have you ever heard the expression “I’m dying on the inside?” Well, at this very moment I’d love to feel like that because it would be a vast improvement of what I’m really feeling. You ever been so happy about something that it was all you could think about? You ever follow instructions given to you just because of the person that’s giving them to you? Are you breathing right now? Because I can’t.. I’ve never been in such disbelief in my life. I followed the rules by the book. There were no shortcuts taken, none of that. And with mother’s day coming up, I was determined to make sure everything was perfect. And believe me when I tell you, that’s exactly what I did. The more I think about it, the more it kills me. I could care less about the money spent, even though I probably could have purchased a motorcycle with the amount that was used to insure nothing was left out. What hurts the most, yal.. Is the simple fact that this is the EXACT same reason why we went almost a year with no contact. Listen people…. It’s not like I’m trying to monopolize Her time or anything… Not yet, anyway… But try to understand this. If there was ever a time that I knew I could spend any amount of time with Her, no matter if it was 3 days, 3 hours, 3 minutes,or 3 seconds… I did what ever I had to do to get to her. Which is why I asked earlier what it meant to yal to never give up. It would be like climbing Everest but not quite making it to the top. You’re going to have scars and bruises on you. You’re going to be starving and tired. There may be times where you don’t know what to do next. Every part of your body will hurt. But can you imagine the feeling… When you reach the top. While you’re sitting at the peak looking down at the world. Or dam near touching the stars.. Or the Moon. The sacrifices you made to get there. What you intentionally put your mind, body, and soul through to experience the feelings you’d feel at that exact moment… Thinking about how you NEVER gave up…
By now now I’m sure yal know that She’s my Everest… I’d be willing to bet that I’ve put forth more effort than the average person would get in a lifetime. We live in a world where no one values anything anymore.. Or if they do, they don’t value it for what it’s worth. Do I think the Girl in the story is worth all this? No, I don’t think she is.. I KNOW she is. Writing this gave me some valuable insight. I can honestly say I hate the Girl in the story right now. I hate her for what she did to me. I hate her for everything the does to me. And I hate her for everything she will ever do to me in the future. But yal… I love Her for soo much more. It’s like a candle that never burns out. I go to sleep, I wake up, and it’s still there.. It’s not an easy thing to deal with and it’s even harder to accept at times. You probably couldn’t walk a mile in my shoes.
I want to take this time thank all of you guys for always being here when I need you. No man can understand the sorrow of a failed dream. I was searching for direction.. I think I’ve found a route.. I have to reach the top. I mean, I know I’m different.. But I’m so ambitious so I’m going to get it. And when you see the view from way up there you’ll know…
It’s silent. Nothing in my house is on except the air conditioner, yet, Her voice is all I hear. Her voice is all I want to hear. The true definition of an addict just wishing She’d give me an intervention so I could get a dose of Her. So fascinating that even I wonder what the hell the The Girl in the Story did to solidify a love like this. Why is She worth of something so real and genuine? Then I come to my senses. The reasons.. The why’s and the hows don’t even matter. What matters is that out of the 7.442 billion people on Earth (Google World Population – 2016), I found one. Not just one, THE ONE.. She’s Neo in the Matrix. She’s who DJ Khaled is rapping about in that one song with Justin Bieber and Lil Wayne. I believe it was Quavo who said “We go back like Criss Cross and Hop Scotch.” Some things just put a big ass smile on my face, I swear. Thinking about all the things I’d do to have Her back in my life. Like legit, if I could quit my job and fuck Her all day, I would.. Every hour I’d break Her off like a Kit-Kat. No one would ever see me, like Stevie, they’d wonder what’s got a hold of me. The whole time I’d be somewhere licking on Her, kissing on Her for a long long time… 😏 Let me stop because talking about to yal is serious got me on the verge of packing my shit and moving to where she is.. And when she ask me why, I’d tell her the pussy “Made Me Do It.”
We like to think and believe we are in control of our lives and that’s fine and all, but it’s when we realize we are not in control, that we can start breaking down and dissecting our lives as a whole. What influences steer us one way or the other? I’ve been through a lot and in all honesty there’s only one thing that could steer me one way or the other and that’s the Girl in the Story. You see, (T) if I had it my way, this blog wouldn’t be necessary. We actually shared a blog before this one. It was great. That’s the blog I’m trying to get back to. His and Hers.. It was Ours.. Just like everything else was. We shared it, even though She always seemed to get more than I did. I was fine with it, though. She deserved it. I just talked to the Girl in the Story. I told Her I was thirsty. She told me to drink some water. And I told Her water just wouldn’t cut it. I need someone more Sunkist. Something that’s so good. You see, when the sun kisses Her skin.. Heaven know, there’s nothing I love more. Those tan lines drive me to places a human shouldn’t be driven to, yet I find myself never wanting to leave those places. So, I’m sure you can see now, (T) if I had it my way… She’d feel da same…. She’d just call me “& Co.”
So, I’ve had a lot of time to think, and it’s time to be real with myself. When it comes to comparing things, some things just can’t be compared to. The things I shared with the Girl in the Story, I never want to share with anyone else again. I know this because I’ve tried. And to be honest, I’m sick of trying. I said it before, things just made sense with Her. We shared the ups and downs. We cared about each other and if she was sad, so was I, sometimes, and the same went for Her. These days it’s hard to find someone who gives a fuck about your feelings. I don’t know, maybe She spoiled me. Or maybe She just was the fucking best. I tell you what, read that last sentence again, but take the “maybe” out. She was so good to me. And because of that, I made a promise to myself. And if she ever reads this, I want Her to know. Not a day goes by that I don’t wish I was with You. Not a second goes by that You’re not on my mind. For You to have been able to do this to me, after 15 years, I still feel this way about You. I promise You, no matter if we’re together or not, I’ll always be good to You.
She would sit in the mirror and put on mascara. I would sit across the room and stare at her reflection. At times, her reflection was even more beautiful than she was… Mimicking her every move was it’s only purpose, yet, there was always more to her reflection. It would sneak little smiles or glances when she wasn’t paying much attention. And it would always catch me. Staring at it. Fascinated. Amazed that we shared a connection that was deeper.. A connection that was tangible, her reflection and I. I would take pics of her while she was in the mirror to capture what I couldn’t get enough of. This is a Story of a Girl… That girl was a reflection of what I wanted to be. Desirable in every way.. If I could sum it up, I would.. But I can’t. An endless list of qualities that you wish your girl had right now. Even the things she weren’t so good at, like singing, she somehow found a way to make it beautiful. Just thinking about it has my heart racing. I would keep my eyes open when we kissed because I wanted to see her face. I traced her freckles when I didn’t think she was paying attention. When I touched her skin, my hands just would not stop moving. I was addicted to the way she smelled. When she’d get out the shower and lose the towel, my jaw would drop like it was the first time I’d ever seen her in my life. Though it all, I came to realize why I loved her reflection so much. She was a reflection of all my insecurities. Everything I wanted to be. Everything that I loved. Picture perfect.. And since day one I’ve always known.. A Beautiful Creator Engineered It.. And there’s not another out there like her… This is… The story of THAT girl..
The Story of a Girl 